Today I’m writing about something I know a little too much about: “the cold shoulder.” Not just receiving it, mind you, but apparently handing it out with the confidence of a maître d’ at a restaurant called Emotional Distance. My wife has been telling me for years, “Boy, you sure know how to give someone the cold shoulder.” And after some reflection, I have to admit she may have a point. The phrase means giving someone a deliberately chilly, unfriendly reception—ignoring them, shutting them out, or treating their presence as a clerical error in human form.
There are a few theories about where this saying came from.
It appears in print in Sir Walter Scott’s writing in 1816, and some people
connect it to a verse in Nehemiah that roughly translates as, “They turned
their backs on you.” Which is historically interesting but also sounds like the
kind of explanation that makes people suddenly need to check the oil in their
automobile.
To keep things lively, here’s the fun and widely accepted
explanation—the one with meat and passive aggression. Imagine it’s 1453 and
you’re hosting a grand banquet. Your guests arrive ready for an evening of
roasted delicacies, overflowing goblets, and the sort of witty banter that
usually ends with someone challenged to a duel. Then an unwelcome visitor
appears at the door. You don’t want them there, but medieval etiquette frowns
on faking a plague to get them to leave.
So you let them in. Only, instead of serving them the feast
everyone else is enjoying, you plop down a leftover cold shoulder of mutton.
Not hot. Not fresh. Not even pretending to be hospitable. Just a slab of
refrigerated resentment on a plate. Message received. They gnaw in silence,
realize they are about as welcome as a hangman at a christening, and leave
vowing never to return. Giving them the cold shoulder worked, which,
quite frankly, is the best possible result for your hosting strategy.
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